In Pakistan the majority of population lives in joint family system. Where Joint family system is considered to be a source of affection in families and relationships, it also has some serious and disturbing effects on children.
Are Kids Mostly Misunderstood By Adults?
Kids might be the most misunderstood creatures as they are not able to explain their thoughts and express their true emotions. Children have more intense emotions than the adults.
One moment they might be crying hysterically and the next moment they are cheering over a candy. Sometimes, these short termed yet intense emotions are misunderstood by the adults.
In joint families mostly the children are considered rude and ill-mannered because of their intense aggressiveness. And instead of calming down the child with love and polite behavior the child is usually battered by the adults, which makes the child more irritated and stubborn.
Is Mental Health Of Children Also Imporant?
Yes, the mental health of a child is as important as an adult. In Pakistan every 3rd child might be a victim of mental health issues. But this is not properly managed by the parents.
Also, it is very saddening to realise the fact that children are given the least attention in term of mental health.
Parents mostly fail to understand “why their child is always irritated and angry or why their child is crying very much or why their child is very afraid of a specific relative like a certain aunt or uncle.”
The answer could be in the emotional or psychological issues your child might be facing.
What Type Of Environment Effects A Child The Most?
The environment which is surrounding the child most of the time, effects child the most. Children learn from what they observe in their surroundings.
So, their family influences them the most. They will pick up the habits they will see in the people influencing them.
For instance:
In Pakistani joint family system the whole family usually eats together. And not everyone one the table is following dining etiquettes.
The child might start to follow the example of someone on the table who is chewing loudly or someone who is burping with their mouths open (which is very common in our country). So, if you want the child to learn manners and etiquettes then you must display them to the child in your own example.
Do Children Learn From What They See In Their Surroundings?
Yes, kids have a very strong picking power. They obverse very keenly and incorporate what they have observe, in their actions.
All members in a typical joint family want the child to learn the best manners but they usually fail to understand that eventually the kid is going to follow their footsteps.
If the child is seeing that the people in his house get dressed in clean and proper clothes only when some guests are coming over or when they are going somewhere outside. Then the child will not learn to stay nicely and cleanly dressed all the time.
You can not expect the child to do something different other than what he/ she is observing day and night.
What Is The Main Drawback Of A Joint Family System On The Social Development Of A Child?
According to a survey 8\10 parents believe that the main drawback on living in a joint family system is that their child learns to lie.
Now, you all must be thinking how does that happen? The answer lies in this simple yet very common scenario.
Lets suppose you went to a restaurant for dinner with your 4 year old kid. Do not forget you live in a joint family and you don’t want the other members of the house to know about it.
And you know that your child is going to tell everyone about the dinner as soon as he will reach home. What do you do in such a situation? You simply tell your child to lie about.
For instance you tell your child “ koi puchey tou kehna nano key ghar gae thay” or “ ghar pr kisi ko mat batana k hum ne restaurant se khana khaya tha”.
So, from this example we can see that we teach our children to lie about certain things to avoid the consequences which might be in the form of some bitter taunts from the other family members.
How Do Children Learn Negativity And Abbusive Behavior?
Yes, 9/10 parents who live in joint families with their children believe that their children picked up some negativity and some abusive words from the family members.
Like , it’s a common practice for Pakistani susral (in-laws) to insult the daughter in law and the husband to insult his wife in front on whole the whole family including her own children.
This abusive behavior has numerous negative and destructive impacts on the children. Children not only learn abusive and foul language from this but also it effects their mental health and their personality.
Growing up in such abusive environment leaves some permanent negative impacts on the personalities of children for the rest of their lives.
How Children Are Encouraged On A Foul Deed/ Habbit Bt The Family?
In joint family system it is common to pamper a child more than necessary. The grandparents, aunts and uncles sometime encourage children on things which are indecent.
Like, if a child is using a foul word which she/ he usually listens in the house, then the family members instead of correcting the child, start to laugh on it as if it were some sort of entertainment.
What Is The Main Positive Aspects Of Joint Family System?
The main positive aspect of raising a child in a joint family system is that she/he becomes very social.
Your child might not have a communication issues with people, which most children have. While living in a house full of people with different age group.
Also, if there are many children in a same house then children do not get bored and learn some healthy activities like: sharing, caring and making friends.
Also, children learn and explore better in company of other children.
What Is The Most Common Mental And Environmental Damage People Have Faced As A Child Grown Up In A Joint Family System In Pakistan ?
According to a personal survey almost 7/10 people who have grown up in a joint family system in Pakistan, believe that the most damaging mental and environmental aspect was, they were brain washed against their mothers.
Yes, you read it right “brain washed against their own mothers”.
For example, during their childhood these people were repeatedly told that they were not loved by their mothers. Or their mother “loved her other children more.”
And these brain feedings for the time being actually made them believe that their mothers didn’t love them.
This is a very common yet damaging issue I Pakistani joint families. So, if you are an adult who is observing that a child is being brain washed like this. Then its your moral duty to save the child from such negativity and make a difference for the best.